he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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