I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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