I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
