yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
