if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
