Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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