Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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