He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
