We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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