so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I forget how to act sober
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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