whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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