i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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