During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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