Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
