so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
