Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
