I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
