Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
