I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
