the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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