I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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