You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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