Your mouth is God's brothel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
