dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
