remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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