as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
