pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
