DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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