1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
