it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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