areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ketchup is God's man juice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
