i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
