Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
