All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
