Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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