shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
