Only a mothe r could love this liver
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
