I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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