YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
