Whod you bang
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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