Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
