it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
