girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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