Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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