I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
