i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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