I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
