just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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