lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
