I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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