i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
